Bold Prediction – The 2017 Cubs Will Achieve What Only 7 Modern Era Teams Have Done

I’m definitely no expert when it comes to baseball but I think it’d be fair to say I know a thing. Maybe two. Let’s get shit straight, though. I’m a Cubs fan. I like bold predictions and high expectations because anything less is garbage. Realistic when it comes to sports? Booooooooring!

My bold prediction is the Cubs become the 8th team in the “modern era”, which is baseball post-1901, to score 1,000+ runs in a season. The only team to do it since 1950 was the 1999 Cleveland Indians. Last year, the Cubs underperformed in my opinion on the offensive side of the ball and scored 808 runs good for 3rd in MLB. On this prediction some will say, “not happening!”, because we are an NL team and pitchers can’t hit. F that. See below folks….

I don’t care if it’s spring training; that shit went 465 feet!

We will be adding this to our lineup for hopefully a healthy 162. See below…

If he is healthy, I expect 35+ home runs from this tank.

Then there’s the guys I believe will break out big time to indeed make this feat possible.

Both these guys are in line for BIG years offensively. This will contradict me earlier in the article, but I don’t care; 25+ dingers for both is more than doable.

The final factor is Jason Heyward. There is not a shot in hell this guy bats for a .230 avg with 49 RBI’s. No chance. Zilch. He will hit for a .260 avg. and progress back to his normal offensive averages.

There are zero holes in this lineup. None. Nada. That is a nightmare for opposing pitchers and they will legitimately shit their pants when they step on the mound to face this team.

Scoring 1,000 runs rings nicely with #ThatsCub.

The Bulls Are On TNT Tonight

If you follow the Bulls you might be aware of the their connection to TNT. It’s bonkers. Absurd. Otherworldly. Whatever ridiculous adjective you want to toss in front of it. The Bulls are on an 18-0 regular season winning streak on Thursday night games televised on TNT at the United Center. Like what the hell kind of streak is that?

The Bulls are a mess of a team including their trash front office with their record at 35-39. Yet somehow this TNT on Thursday steak has seen them beat elite opponents. This year the streak has continued with wins over the Warriors, Spurs, and Celtics twice! Literally the best teams in the NBA. Tonight they host the Cavs who have played some of their worst basketball in the month of March setting up for what could be another win on this crazy run.

Based on this little gem that Ja Rule is up in the UC bumping fists with Jimmy is almost a guarantee the streak continues. See Red.

The White Sox Food Game: A++

While the White Sox continue to build and acquire young talent they need to find creative ways to get folks excited about coming to Guaranteed Rate Field. This is nothing new as the White Sox have stepped up their food game over the last few years complete with buckets of ice cream and bacon on a stick blah blah blah.

For 2017 they have stepped up to the plate and called their shot directly at your arteries!

A 16 inch Grilled Cheese Brisket filled with Mac and Cheese? I know your heart hurts but your tastebuds are like fuck yes!

I mean who doesn’t want a half pound of bacon on their burger?

Latin Vegetable Salad. They had to have this or the vegans will cry. Tacos, Chicken Marg Sandwiches!

The White Sox definitely hit a Giancarlo Stanton home run on this part of their stadium experience.

Grade: A++

Key Dates for Early Cubs Games Without Breaking the Bank

 

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The Cubs finally won the world series after what some might call a drought. It was pretty damn fun even some of you White Sox fans might agree. Winning is fun of course but also comes with consequences notably increased ticket prices. This sucks for us millennials with student debt, or trying to start a family, or trying to save for whatever. It also sucks for the average joe working his ass off to provide for his or her family. So I figured why not toss out a few dates you can go on the cheap!

  • Fri. 4/7 Cubs @ Brewers: 7:10 at Miller Park in Milwaukee. $16 on Stubhub.
  • Sat. 4/8 Cubs @ Brewers: 6:10 at Miller Park in Milwaukee. $21 on Stubhub (Kyle Hendricks slated to start this game)
  • Thu. 4/13 Dodgers @ Cubs: 1:20 at Wrigley Field. $10 on Stubhub
  • Fri. 4/14 Pirates @ Cubs: 1:20 at Wrigley Field. $18 on Stubhub (This is also Good Friday so if you’re off can be a real good deal)

I put the Milwaukee games in because you can tailgate, its an hour/15 mins away, and it’ll be warm. Just a few games to get you started but these prices go all the way through early May for most weekday games. I would bundle up because even though its Spring you’re still likely to freeze your ass off. Once June rolls around and the Cubs not only start playing well but it gets warmer out demand will rise and prices will go up. Crazy concept this supply/demand thing.

*All White Sox games come at a Guaranteed Rate of cheap.*

Trump Refuses to Be American

Today USA Today and multiple media outlets reported that Donald Trump has declined to throw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals opening day game. Shocker. It’s not like the President throwing out the first pitch on opening day has been a long standing tradition going all the way back to William Howard Taft in 1910 or anything like that.

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One has to think why would he do such a thing? The White House says its due to a scheduling conflict. I have other suspicions because, well, you know he’s a kind of a liar. First I don’t believe his tiny hands can grip a baseball. That’s the only conclusion I’ve come to.

You don’t simply break a tradition, God forbid a baseball tradition, that has stood nearly as long the Cubs world series drought. Shame on you Donald.

 

 

Dancing With the Stars: Update 3/27

So most are aware Dancing with the Stars is a fairly popular program on ABC. I can’t really say I have ever watched prior to now only because David Ross is rocking his grandpa socks off with some sweet moves. He actually kinda stinks but whatever. The point is that this Charo lady needs to go!

 

 

Tonight she literally had to be dragged off the damn stage and continued to grab my boy Tom Bergeron’s microphone. This lady could not be more obnoxious. It was like one of those moments where you’re watching a movie and its so embarrassing you have to look away. Please vote her off America; we don’t deserve this!